The Once-Ler has total swag.... part 1

Yup, The Once-Ler has swag.

Here's to prove it:

So epic
Wicked cool
Awesome
Good looks


The Once-Ler has it all.... XD

If the Once-Ler had a blog, it would look something like this...

THE LORAX IS ANNOYING.

He just intruded my personal space. He almost read my journal… but….

Just in time, I pulled up my Internet tab.

Unfortunately, I forgot I was browsing Shoppers Drug Mart’s website earlier.

A page was up about a sale on deodorant.

I think the Lorax looked at me funny.

*cringe*

-The Once-Ler-

So now I’m knitting more of that purple thneed. Yup, it’s sure awesome. Gotta go get a soda or something, all this knitting’s making me thirsty.

-The-Once-Ler-

OK. THIS IS JUST. NOT. HAPPENING.

So I went to go get a soda, and the Lorax was in my fridge. He got mad at me for having orange-flavored cheesecake in my fridge, because he said it’s “unnatural”.

Oh my gosh, I mean what the thneed?

Orange flavored cheesecake is good. Seriously, if the Lorax doesn’t stop being so irritating, I’M going to turn HIM into a fluffy, mustache-y orange cheesecake. Literally.

-The Once-Ler-

So, I went back to my desk to knit more of that thneed, but when I turned over my thneed to start knitting on it again, THE LORAX WAS SITTING ON IT.

I mean, Geez, Lorax.

This is just too much!

So the Lorax was like, “You knit?” and then laughed at me and my thneed.

And, just to tell you,

KNITTING IS SO NOT UN-MANLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-The Once-Ler-

Ok. Now that the Lorax is gone…

Heh heh. I did something to this picture that I took of him…

Gotta go now, dinner calls. AND IF THE LORAX IS SMART WITH ME ONE MORE TIME, HE’LL BE MY LU-LU-LU-LU LUNCH TOMORROW.

-The Once-Ler-

I just ate dinner. Technically, I’m not done yet, though. I’m still eating a cookie.

But TECHNICALLY, dinner was a disaster.

The Lorax made smart remarks at me.

Really irritating smart remarks at me.

For one, he called me a sissy for knitting.

WHAT THE THNEED????

And then he called me stupid for cutting my taco into 3 sections and then eating the meat separately.

Ok, Lorax. So what? So, I don’t like how taco shells taste when mixed with the meat. So?

But to be EVEN MORE (I know, how is that even possible???) annoying, the Lorax made a point of eating his broccoli. He went “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” and chopped off the tops with his knife. Trying to imitate me, I suppose?

But enough for now. Back to the Internet. I’m going to look up some more knitting tips.

-The Once-Ler-

So I just found this one really great, REALLY RELEVANT knitting tip online.

“Don’t knit when you’re angry. It makes all of your projects come out wrong.”

Oh yeah, thanks a lot, knitters4life /thiswebsiteisfake.com.

So I just finished my thneed and its 3 sizes too large and ended up having this weird, knitted, evil-smiley-face looking thing near the top of it.

WHAT THE THNEED??????????

The Lorax makes me angry. I made a weird thneed.

Coincidence? I think not.

-The Once-Ler-

The Lorax just asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him.

I asked what it was.

He told me he was watching “An Inconvenient Truth”.

I said no.

It would make me feel so guilty for chopping down that tree I would probably end up doing something stupid, like offering to make the Lorax an orange thneed with his face on it.

And would that ever be stupid.

-The Once-Ler-

So now I’m starting on a new, yellow, thneed, and the Lorax comes up to me.

He asks me if I want to watch TV with him instead.

I asked why.

He said he was cold.

I threw him the weird thneed.

HE THEN LOOKED AT ME WITH BIG ADORABLE EVIL EYES.

I just had to say yes.

-The Once-Ler-

So right now I brought my laptop into the kitchen and am making popcorn.

The Lorax told me to.

I am seriously annoyed.

-The Once-Ler-

So the Lorax goes and turns on the T.V.

He switches channels for a bit. I eat popcorn, type this, and knit a thneed at the same time. I am so pro at multi-tasking.

Then he jumps onto the couch next to me and hogs the popcorn.

We’re watching the Cooking Channel.

At least we’re not watching some random news report about environmental issues.

-The Once-Ler-

Umm, so we’re done watching the cooking channel.

Phew, at least that’s done.

The Lorax fell asleep in my popcorn bowl.

Yeahhhh, anyways….

So now I’m drawing a picture. Of myself wearing this awesome green suit.

Oh, why do I feel so bad for waking the Lorax up and yelling at him for contaminating my popcorn bowl???

Oh, I have an idea of what to do now.

-The Once-Ler-

Bad idea, Oncey.

I just went up to the Lorax and told him he’s such a cute widdle Lorax and gave him a marshmallow.

 NOW HE WANTS TO SLEEP AT THE FOOT OF MY BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the messes I get myself into…

-The Once-Ler-

So I’m just about to go to bed now but I was just thinking.

I just realized that just about every single person who’s ever said something to me has at one point hurt my feelings.

So that’s why I need to keep knitting this thneed.

‘Cause if I can sell gazillions of thneeds, everyone will worship me or something.

…except for maybe the Lorax.

He’ll probably just tell me to plant trees or something.

No, more likely he’ll ask me to make him pancakes… and then ask me to plant some trees.

-The Once-Ler-

Uhh, this is bad. Really bad.

I need to brush my teeth and…

This morning the Lorax used my toothbrush for a mustache brush.

AND IT IS COVERED IN LORAX HAIR.

I am so buying a new toothbrush first thing tomorrow.

-The Once-Ler-

This is going waaaay to far, Lorax!

That Akward Moment When...

Get your Once-Ler desktops here!

Okay, so I decided to make some Once-Ler desktops on paint. To get them as your desktop, right click them, press "save image". Then, go to your "My Pictures" folder, and right click on the image. Press, "set as desktop background". And, volia! You have a new Once-Ler desktop background. Enjoy! ;)


The Once-Ler and Lorax
Best set as "tile", for you Windows users...

Mini Once-Ler
Best set as "center", for you Windows users...

Thneed Production Line
Best set as "tile", for... oh, you get the point.

Once-Ler and Lorax Comic!
Best set as either "center" or "tile", for...AHHH! Make it stop!

How Bad Can I Be? pics

Some pics from the song "How Bad Can I Be?".... otherwise known as the song that everyone should have on their iPods....

....Well, that's it for today. ;) Enjoy your awesome eye candy...more coming soon!

The Once-Ler would so totally fail science!

Why the Once-Ler would fail a science test on environmental principles.... or why he (or an ultra-obsessed fan girl) shouldn't study off his music...

*Note: all answers were taken directly from "How Bad Can I Be?"*

Science Test                               Name: __The Once-Ler______________________

1)      The principle of nature is:

The survival of the fittest!             X

2)      And the animal that doesn’t follow this….

Is someone else’s la-la-la-la-la-la lunch!         X

3)      Do you care if trees are dying and why?

I don’t care if a few trees are dying! My money’s multiplying!      X

4)      How can you stop clear cutting and mass production?

Complain all you want; but it’s never, ever, ever, ever gonna stop!             X

5)      When you cut down or harm trees, what are you doing?

I’m just building the economy!        X

6)      What do factories use and emit?

Smoggity smog and sloppity slop!            X

F

see me.

You Know You're Obsessed with the Once-Ler When...

You Know You’re Obsessed with The Once-Ler When…

"People are obsessed with me!? Wow, CREEPY!"

    You have the entire song “How Bad Can I Be?” memorized… backwards.

    Your new favourite foods are pancakes and marshmallows

    You’ve made a Once-Ler costume

    You can listen to any of the Once-Ler’s songs on replay for 4 or more hours on a long car trip and not get sick of the song.

    You’ve made up an alternate ending to the movie so the Once-Ler doesn’t have to be so… old.

    Your relatives, who haven’t seen the Lorax, know who the Once-Ler is.

    You would totally marry the Once-Ler if he was real.

    You can draw the Once-Ler in less than 30 seconds- and it looks good!

    You’ve taken up knitting just because of the Once-Ler.

    Your new favourite colour is glittery emerald green.

    You’ve made a plushie Once-Ler! (Bonus points if you made a grey, green, AND pajama Oncie!)

    When watching TV, you see an ad for some random movie that says it comes out on August 4^th. Person watching TV with you: “When does that movie come out again?”

Your response: “3 days before the Lorax goes on DVD.”

    Your favourite thing to search on Google images is pictures of the Once-Ler.

    You have an extensive collection of all things Once-Ler.

    You and your friend’s most heated argument was on who could draw the Once-Ler better.

    You have had very extensive debates on how tall the Once-Ler actually is (I’d say 7ft 2in! XD)

    Whenever you make breakfast for your family, their comment always is “Pancakes again!?”

    You’ve attempted to knit your own thneed.

    When you go clothing shopping, you’re always on the lookout for blue pajamas with yellow bunnies on them… even though you’re over the age of three.

    You’ve always wanted to try squirting your cat/dog/younger sibling’s head with the garden hose, just to see if they poof up just like the Lorax (XD the mini movies!).

    If you ever get the chance to repaint your room, you’re doing a mural of the Once-Ler cutting down a tree on a sky blue background.

    You find the Once-Ler cuter than the most popular “hot” celebrity.

    Your favourite songs are all sung by the Once-Ler.

    Your life motto is, “Everybody needs a thneed!”

    You’ve drawn the Once-Ler in art class… not as a doodle, as an assignment!

    You quote the Once-Ler in almost every conversation.

    You use the phrase, “How bad could a meatloaf/scary rollercoaster/brain transplant/etc. possibly be?” all the time.

    Your idea of studying for a business test is listening to the second half of the song “How Bad Can I Be?”

    Green gardening gloves are definitely an “in” fashion.

    When asked for an example of a tree, your response always is “Truffula tree.”

    If they ever make collectable Once-Ler figurines, you’re buying all the ones the store has in stock.

    Your idea of accessorizing in the fall or winter is adding green knitted gloves and a fuzzy pink scarf to your outfit.

    Your next pet is definitely going to be named Oncie!

    You’ve started thinking tomatoes are evil, since they hit poor Oncie in the face when he first tried to sell his thneed!

    You know more of the lyrics to a Once-Ler song than to the most popular pop song.

    Your idea of a “perfect meal” would be pancakes shaped like the Once-Ler’s face, topped with marshmallows and butter.

    When asked what you want for your birthday, you reply, “A life- sized cardboard cutout of the Once-Ler, green gloves, turquoise rhinestone sunglasses, money, etc…”

    And your parents aren’t surprised at all at what you just asked for as birthday present ideas.

    Your main goals in life are to marry the Once-Ler, and have as much money as the Once-Ler.

    When asked who your role model is, you say The Once-Ler, even though he’s probably one of the worst role models that ever existed.

    Your phone’s screen saver is the Once-Ler.

    Your MIND’s “screen saver” is the Once-Ler!